By The Housewife: Of sex tapes - Acie and his pubic Amazon Forest!

SO today l woke up to news headlined ‘Lumumba Sex Tape’ … okay, so l don't really know this Lumumba guy very well and the little knowledge I have of him is from his #digdeeper videos which l also watched after having heard about his well-toned body from my younger nieces.

But what is so special about Lumumba or anyone for that matter having sex to warrant a front page headline?

I remembered one of the things one of my lecturers said in one of our first journalism classes ... “always remember when a dog bites a man, it's not news ... but when a man bites a dog it is news”.

Lumumba is a young man who I believe is at his prime ... and is bound to have sex - and lots of it too if he so chooses. He is single and, I presume, so is the girl he is having sex with. The young man is not married, neither has he claimed to be a virgin nor has he taken any chastity vows. So what is the big deal?

Being a housewife, I have ample time to surf the net and try and see why this story made headlines and why, on most social media groups, it's being talked about … in one group there were 400 comments within an hour of the video being put up; my assumption is that there is too many of us housewives with nothing to do or some people are being paid to be on the Internet ... but that's a story for another day.

By The Housewife: Of sex tapes - Acie and his pubic Amazon Forest!

Be that as it may be, l did not come across anything that Lumumba could have done or said in the past for the press to make this huge announcement about him having sex.

Whoop whoop - we all have sex!

So Lumumba has had a fall out with his political party Zanu PF... but you see this housewife really has no intentions of dwelling on the politics of the land ... but some people, him included, for l also read his response to this whole expose, believe the party or some people in the party are getting back at him.

Before the fall-out Acie Lumumba (right) with empowerment minister Patrick Zhuwao

But if that was really their intention, I doubt it worked for this move clearly worked out in Lumumba’s favour, proving right the PR myth that ‘there is no such thing as bad publicity’.

The young man is well endowed and, gathering from the comments on women’s groups on social media, I wouldn't be surprised if this young man received the highest number of friend requests on this day ... and yes size does matter!

But, and you can ask any woman, there is nothing as disappointing as a well-endowed man who lacks technique .... who doesn't know what to do with his manhood.

Women on most social media groups are going gaga over the young man’s seemingly big manhood ... pictures and videos of the young man are being shared.

Some are however, dismayed at his language; in particular, his use of the b**ch word .... whoa whoa! But I can't help but think some of the women taking offense are two faced … ever been to baby or bridal showers and cringed at some of the names women are supposedly called in the bedroom. The most hilarious for me have been those in Shona and Ndebele …

But, I for one, feel sorry for the young woman in the video for a number of reasons. I am sure she needed toothpicks at the end of that session. For Lumumba and any other men who think shaving pubic hair is for women only or metrosexuals … please that bush needs to go and I understand it's different strokes for different folks but I personally and, am sure that goes for most women out there, wouldn't be caught dead ‘dealing’ with that Amazon forest.

If consenting adults are to record their sexcapades why should it be the face of the female that gets exposed? Is it because at the back of their minds, these men know that this tape will one day become public? I don't care what people do in their bedrooms but if we are going to record our shenanigans then both actors should feature, unless it is the other’s intention to leak it.

Speaking of which, talks doing rounds is that the young man in question staged the whole thing. Bloody hell! Why would anyone in their right mind do such a thing? A leaked sex tape is surely one way of getting publicity these days. Take for instance Kim Kardashian sex tape with Ray J and, closer to home, Pokello & Stunner; but then again whatever his intention, I hope the young lady in the video shared the same intentions.

What I however, find strange in all this has nothing to do with Lumumba but with me and millions of other people; in this case Zimbabweans who have made the Lumumba sex tape their focus for the day. I mean you should see how people are asking to get the video sent to them on the different social media platforms!

I mean hey there was no talk of #thisflag, neither did people go to town about the soon-to-be introduced bond notes, nor Chinamasa’s son taking out however many millions of dollars out of the country – it was Lumumba everywhere.

Maybe it's beyond Lumumba... it's the act ... the sexual acts … “the forbidden fruits” - that which we all have but would rather pretend we are not doing.

Are we that bored that we find such tapes entertaining? Or is it just out of curiosity or we all have a love of porn in us thus watching such videos stimulate us - and it's more exciting if it's someone we know and somehow relate to as compared to the porn stars in the usual pornography movies.

Could it be that our own sex lives are lacking and we have a lot of erotic urges that need to be quenched and we do so through vouyerism? Or is it just a case of, as my niece would put it, FOMO.....yes Fear Of Missing Out.

While l may find our behavior strange, what l find disturbing though, and I base this on the allegations made by Lumumba on how the tape leaked, is the role of the police and government in this whole debacle.

Like seriously... our country is on the brink of another crisis and we use resources to raid a young man’s house and release his sex tape to the public .... like really!

By: The Housewife