We do it all the time- try to change a man we like into what we consider is the best version of himself. We change the way he behaves in public, the kind of clothes he wears, the slangs he uses- the list is endless, there's always one thing we want to change.
Sometimes the men accept change other times they fight it with all they've got and most of them have come to view it as quite normal to have a woman try to organize their lives and change a thing or two. No harm there!
So why is it so alarming when a guy we like tries to change us?
Because it means so many things on so many levels. Maybe we aren't good enough, maybe he is comparing us to his dream girl or his ex and trying to tweak us a little bit to his idea of perfection, worse maybe we embarrass him. Whatever maybe you choose it definitely doesn't come with positive energy and you end up feeling down in the dumps not to mention the assault on your personal identity and what makes you unique. Now fighting it with guns blazing might be logical but just what if you've already changed a thing or two about him or at least tried to? How do you tackle this uncertain dilemma without shoving him out the door?
1) It's all about motives!
Is he genuinely trying to make you a better person or is he just trying to clip your wings so he can control you? You need to really listen to what he is trying to say amidst the suggestion to ditch your favorite hey mama skirt!
2) Pick your battles
Change isn't always a bad thing! Learn the art of bargaining and compromise! "I'll change this if you'll change that...' or "I'll change this but not that..."
3) Don't be eager to please!
It's quite easy to do everything your handsome new man says even if you end up not recognizing the woman in the mirror but there's a Nigerian proverb that says 'don't smell what you can't eat!'
If you know you are not gonna like this change in the long run don't feign submission and acceptance for the short run. It creates problems later.
4) Take it slow.
A habit is learned or unlearned in approximately 30 days. Don't expect to change overnight and don't expect to love the change the instance you try it. Allow yourself test the waters a little bit, keep your mind open!
5) His reaction to your saying 'no to change' matters!
Does he get angry, sulky, violent or abusive when you resist change? If he does these are red flags and ultimately warming signs that he needs to control you. Run!
Your individuality should never be sacrificed on the altar of love otherwise who truly does the man love?
So why is it so alarming when a guy we like tries to change us?
Because it means so many things on so many levels. Maybe we aren't good enough, maybe he is comparing us to his dream girl or his ex and trying to tweak us a little bit to his idea of perfection, worse maybe we embarrass him. Whatever maybe you choose it definitely doesn't come with positive energy and you end up feeling down in the dumps not to mention the assault on your personal identity and what makes you unique. Now fighting it with guns blazing might be logical but just what if you've already changed a thing or two about him or at least tried to? How do you tackle this uncertain dilemma without shoving him out the door?
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| What to do when your man is trying to change you! |
Is he genuinely trying to make you a better person or is he just trying to clip your wings so he can control you? You need to really listen to what he is trying to say amidst the suggestion to ditch your favorite hey mama skirt!
2) Pick your battles
Change isn't always a bad thing! Learn the art of bargaining and compromise! "I'll change this if you'll change that...' or "I'll change this but not that..."
3) Don't be eager to please!
It's quite easy to do everything your handsome new man says even if you end up not recognizing the woman in the mirror but there's a Nigerian proverb that says 'don't smell what you can't eat!'
If you know you are not gonna like this change in the long run don't feign submission and acceptance for the short run. It creates problems later.
4) Take it slow.
A habit is learned or unlearned in approximately 30 days. Don't expect to change overnight and don't expect to love the change the instance you try it. Allow yourself test the waters a little bit, keep your mind open!
5) His reaction to your saying 'no to change' matters!
Does he get angry, sulky, violent or abusive when you resist change? If he does these are red flags and ultimately warming signs that he needs to control you. Run!
Your individuality should never be sacrificed on the altar of love otherwise who truly does the man love?
